But, then, I'm a dog and I can't tell time.
Hi everybody! Teddy here, back again after a lot of technical difficulty.
I've grown up a lot since last we talked. I celebrated my dog mitzvah last year when I turned two. And I got my nuts chopped off. Now I am a man. And I often display this. You see, my Dad works out of town quite a bit. He builds these things kids get to go to and eat pizza and wack moles and dance on big TVs. (Wish he'd build me a dog version of that!) And when Dad's away, I'M the man of the house and I have no problem letting everyone in my household know it!
I like to warn everyone when strangers are nearby. And nearby, to me, starts at one end of our block and goes clear to the other end. I learned from my old cat (may she rest in peace) that if you sit in our front window you can see EVERYTHING from one end to the other. This is a great watchtower. As soon as I see a pair of shoes turn the corner, I can bark to warn my family. I usually start with a warning growl. But the closer people get, the more I bark. But my Mama and my Grammy just yell at me to be quiet. It's so disrespectful. They would never talk to my Dad like that.
I see squirrels in our trees as an immediate threat. My Dad and Granddaddy also see squirrels this way. They grab the BB gun and fire. I can't, since I have no thumbs and the thing is way longer than I am. So I scare the squirrels away with my ferocious bark and the threat of my extremely healthy white teeth. My teeth are weapons of mass destruction. I make sure to sharpen them on plastic bottles, wood, whatever I can get my mouth around. And if I could ever just get my teeth on one of these squirrels, it would be over. Unfortunately my Mama got smart and realized I was escaping the yard too easily, so now I'm on a lead outside. This really hinders my squirrel game.
I also get easily agitated by cats. Now, I grew up with my old sister cat Furrball. In fact, my Dad says I'm more cat than dog. I take offense to that. Doesn't he see how much I hate cats? With their freedom to roam around and their free cans of tuna. Cats disgust me. At the same time, they fascinate me. I always had so much fun beating up and chasing after Furrball. I think another cat might be fun too. So I take my frustration out by barking and barking up a storm. My Mama actually thought I was hurt one day I was screaming so loud. She gave me a thorough talking to and I've calmed down some since then.
At any rate, I like to see myself as the man of the house when my Pops is out. The girl people just don't understand. And I've come to accept that. I just kind of let my Mama and Grammy think they are in charge. But we all know the truth. I'm a 23 pound dog who can protect the house better than that slobbering mess of a Lab my sister is. And she's five times my size. I think it's kind of funny.
I hope that all my readers have been doing well and I'm super excited for to check out what's going to go on this year with my blog. Look for a special guest blog from my uncle Matt this Friday. Thanks for reading and stay tuned!
Barks and Licks,
Teddy
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